“Bitter”

I used to write fanfiction/songfics about Digimon, Sailor Moon and Final Fantasy VIII. LOLOLOLOLOL!

Author’s note is intact in its original form for posterity.

Published: May 26, 2001


A/N: This is my first(and most likely last) Sailor Moon fic. I’m not a big fan of the series, but I needed to write something to vent my feelings out, plus Michiru (aka Neptune)’s just so damn cool! Oh yeah, Michiru and Haruka are LEBIANS here, so if ya have a problem with it, the back button on your browser’s your friend.

Rating: R, for language and violence and lame attempts for a bigger use in vocabulary

Disclaimer: *whines* Do I really need one of these?


 

“If I could change anything,

I would change everything,

But these bitter days shall remain…”

                           ~”Bitter”, by Nine Days

“Michiru…”

“Kiro…?”

         

“Michiru… do not forget me…”

“Kiro…please…”

“I will never forget you… my love…”

“No… you never loved me…”

“You are mistaken…”

“Kiro…”

“I know…”

“What are you talking about…?”

“I know… Michiru…”

“What do you know…?

“I know your secret… MURDERER.”

“No…”

“Michiru…”

“Leave me alone!”

“Michiru…!”

“IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

“Michiru, wake up!”

“NO!” Kaioh Michiru sat up in her bed, drenched in cold sweat as her companion Tenoh Haruka placed her hand on her shoulder.

 

“It’s okay,” Haruka whispered. “It was only a nightmare.”

Michiru looked at Haruka for a moment, lost in thought, “I’m sorry, Haruka, what were you saying?”

“It was only a nightmare.” Haruka repeated again. “Are you okay?”

Michiru shivered. “Yeah… I’m fine…”

“It doesn’t look that way to me.” Haruka said. “This is the third night it’s happened. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“I told you, it’s none of your business!” Michiru snapped. “Now, please, leave me be.”

“Michiru…”

“Just leave me alone.” Michiru shoved Haruka’s hand off of her shoulder in anger and walked out of the room, leaving Haruka staring in confusion. It had been like that for three nights now. Each night, Michiru had woken up in a cold panic, and every time Haruka had asked her what was the matter, Michiru did nothing but snap at her lover. It was starting to worry Haruka to a point where she couldn’t sleep. Michiru had never kept anything from her before. Could this possibly have anything to do with her past? Michiru had always been secretive about that part of her life. Haruka really wanted to know what she was hiding from her, but she had to respect Michiru’s privacy. There was always Setsuna though…

No, I can’t do that. Haruka thought abruptly. I can’t betray Michiru’s trust like that. Besides, even if I wanted to do it, there would be no way in hell that Setsuna would allow me to do such a thing. She’s bent too many rules for us senshi, and my problem doesn’t even have anything to do with my work! Haruka desperately tried to push the idea away from her mind, but the more she thought about it, the more human temptation managed to win her over…

*~*~*~

“Kiro, why are you doing this to me?” Michiru whispered softly to herself, hugging her pillow against her chest. It had been years since she last talked to Kiro. She hardly even thought about him anymore. So why was he haunting her all of a sudden? She had been so happy with her life since she became a sailor senshi and met Haruka. She had found her happiness, her solitude. Could Kiro have possibly have come back again, just to destroy it? To destroy her?

Michiru rocked back and forth, not knowing whether or not she should go back to the bedroom that she was sleeping in just moments ago with Haruka. She could hear the blonde cursing softly under her breath.

Oh Haruka, I’m so sorry… Michiru thought. She wanted to tell Haruka so badly what the dreams she’d been having were, and why she was so disturbed about it, but if she did, then she’d have to reveal her less-than-perfect past. She knew she could trust Haruka, she really did. It was whether or not Haruka would believe her that was the problem.

Are you happy now, Kiro? Michiru thought angrily. You’ve ruined my life, once again. She lay flat on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. After what she said to Haruka, there was no way she could face her at that moment. It looked like she was going to spend yet another night on the infamous couch.

It’s funny… Michiru chuckled to herself. When I was a kid, I always imagined it would be my spouse in this position, and not me…

*~*~*~

“God, Haruka, what are you doing here? It’s 2 in the morning!” Setsuna looked at the blonde woman sleepily as she entered her apartment. The Greater Powers had decided to give her a short vacation from her job as the Guardian of Time, and she was about to live it to the fullest. However, there wouldn’t be any living going on if she didn’t get any sleep.

“It’s about Michiru.” Haruka said.

“Oh. Is she alright?” Setsuna’s brow furrowed in concern.

“That’s the problem. She’s been having these disturbing dreams, but she’s refusing to tell me anything about them!”

Setsuna frowned. Could it be…? “Sit down, Haruka.” She commanded, motioning towards the couch. “Would you like anything to drink?”

“No thanks.” Haruka answered.

“So do you know anything about these dreams?” Setsuna asked.

“Not really. All I know is that they’re bad enough to have Michiru waking up in the middle of the night, crying out ‘Kiro’, whatever that is.”

“Kiro?” Setsuna stood up all of a sudden. “Haruka, do you have any idea how long this has been happening?”

“Three nights now.”

This is bad. Setsuna thought. If there was a reason behind her getting let off from her job, and it had to do with Kiro…

“Setsuna!” Haruka said, interrupting Setsuna’s thoughts. “Do you know anything about this?”

“Of course not!” she lied.

“That’s bullshit.” Haruka snapped. “You’re the Guardian of Time. You know everything.”

“I may know it, but that doesn’t mean I remember!” Setsuna exclaimed.

“Oh cut the crap.” Haruka rolled her eyes. “I can tell by the look on your face that you know damn well who this ‘Kiro’ person is. You just don’t want to say anything.”

“I have my restrictions, Haruka.”

“And that includes Michiru getting hurt?”

Setsuna sighed. “Look Haruka. I’d love to tell you who Kiro is, but I can’t. If you need to know because it’s related to our senshi work, then I’ll tell you. Until then, it’s personal, so you’ll just have to wait until Michiru tells you.”

“I want to know now.”

“We all want things in life, Haruka. Unfortunately, God doesn’t grant our every wish automatically. We have to earn it.”

“Whatever. If you’re not gonna tell me who Kiro is, then forget it. I’m not wasting my time with the likes of you.”

“You’ve got to understand, Haruka-”

“I understand alright, Setsuna. You just don’t wanna tell me ’cause you’re being a bitch.”

“It’s my job, Haruka.”

“Will you quit saying my name, already?” Haruka snapped. “Forget it. I’ll find out. Just watch me.”

“Don’t force it, Haruka. You’ll know when the time comes.”

“Shut up. I better go before Michiru notices I’m gone.” Haruka muttered, taking off down the hall without saying goodbye.

Haruka… Setsuna thought worriedly. If you keep this attitude up, there’s no way you’re gonna make it through the task that lies ahead of you. Sometimes you gotta think with your head and not your heart. That was the problem. Even if Haruka could be as cold as steel at times, her heart always pulled through in the end. And if Setsuna was right, that would bring about her death…

*~*~*~

“Haruka.” Michiru walked inside the room. Hours had gone by since the argument, and Haruka had crept back into her bed without Michiru ever noticing she was missing.

“Yes Michiru?” Haruka mumbled.

“I wanna go away for a few days.”

“Where do you wanna go?”

“Somewhere. Alone. I need to think.”

Haruka turned over and faced Michiru. “You have enough room to think here. What’s the problem?”

“Oh, nothing.” Michiru replied, a little too quickly. “I just need my space.”

Haruka stared at the aqua-headed girl before saying, “You can tell me anything, Michiru. You can trust me.”

“I know I can trust you, Haruka.” Michiru said. “But this is personal.”

“My life is your life.” Haruka said. “I thought we had no secrets.”

“We don’t!” Michiru said.

“Then why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Tell me!”

“No.”

Haruka rolled her eyes. “Why do you have to make things so hard, Michiru?”

“I’m not the one making things hard! It’s you who’s being difficult!”

There was a long pause at the moment, neither person speaking a word. Finally, Michiru stood up, and looked away.

“Haruka…” she said. “I’m going on this trip whether you like it or not.”

“Fine.” Haruka snapped crossly. “Do what you want.”

“I just need to sort some things out, and then I’ll be back.”

Haruka remained silent.

“I’ll just be at my hometown for a few days. You don’t have to worry.” Michiru continued. “Then maybe when I come back, things will return to the way it was.”

When Haruka didn’t reply, Michiru sighed and walked towards the door. “I’m leaving right now. If you need anything, sailor business, or personal business… you know where to find me. Goodbye, Haruka. I love you.” Michiru gave her one last glance, before leaving.

I love you too, Michiru… Haruka thought. But you’re mistaken about one thing. I don’t know where to find you. You never told me where you grew up…

*~*~*~

Somewhere in the Negaverse…

“Is the trap set, Dende?”

“Yes master. I’ve cut off all communications between the inner senshi and the outer senshi. They don’t suspect a thing.”

“And what about the Guardian of Time, Pluto?”

“Oh, she’ll be in for a surprise when she wakes up.”

“Good. We’ve got those pitiful fools right where we want them. When the sun rises in the east, our trap shall spring.”

“And what shall happen to the outer senshi, master?”

“They shall find out soon enough, Dende.”

“And what about Kaioh Michiru?”

An evil laugh was heard.

“Why, I shall ruin her, just as she ruined me…”

*~*~*~

Haruka woke up the next morning, and stared at the empty space beside her bed. So Michiru had really left. Haruka sighed in discontent. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so hard on Michiru. But what else could she do? She had given Michiru everything! Michiru knew things about her that even Haruka didn’t know herself. The least she could do was tell Haruka who Kiro was, but no, she couldn’t even do that.

Tell me, Michiru… what about your past is so terrible that I cannot know? Haruka thought. She dragged herself out of bed, wondering if she should tell Setsuna about Michiru’s little “vacation”. But then again, Setsuna wouldn’t tell her anything about Michiru’s past. And if Setsuna wouldn’t tell, then why should she?

Haruka decided to make herself a cup of coffee when she heard a knock on the door. Could it be Michiru? She staggered towards the door and threw it open, but there was no one standing there. Instead, there lay a familiar looking staff, with the symbol of Pluto engraved in it. Attached to it was a note that simply read:

It is time.

Advertisements

When I didn’t get into my first choice college and my boyfriend broke up with me for the umpteenth time

February 5, 2005

Think about this:

You work towards this one goal in life, and as you get closer to achieving this goal, you see that it takes two different paths. Each path has its pros and cons, but you’ll be happy with either path. However, as time goes on, the initial path gets warped and you eventually stop caring because you decide you have everything you need in your life to be happy? Confused yet? Okay, well that path you stopped caring as much about suffers from a rock slide so that you have no choice but to take that other path, which you’re actually more happy about because you take the rock slide as a sign that the other path was what’s really meant for you. But there’s a plot twist. Path #2 weaves itself into a mess and leads to confusion and splits in 3 different directions. One way leads you off of a cliff. The other way is a loooooooong, slow, painful walk into hell. And the last way is true happiness. However, you must cross the first two to get to the last one. So you decide to take the cliff. You think you’re strong enough. But when you’re about to jump, a big DO NOT ENTER sign sprawls itself across the three paths, forcing you to return to where you started, goaless and utterly alone.

That, my friend is the story of my life. A huge ass mess. I’m back to square one, and the only way through is to cross a freaking mudhole. My family is moving away from VA next year when my dad retires, and I have no reason to stay here. But I got rejected from the school I wanted to go to, my dream school, which I didn’t really want to go to because I believed I had better things waiting for me here, but that’s not the case. So I screwed myself over. I can’t apply to any of the NY schools because it’s past deadline, and I don’t know enough about any of the west coast schools to make any rash decisions.

Note to you guys in relationships: Don’t ever base your life off of that significant other unless you’re positive that the both of you are heading in the same direction. Because it doesn’t work when you both want two different things.

I keep on telling myself that I can be strong. I won’t get bitter. And I won’t drink and flirt myself into oblivion. But right now I couldn’t care less. I’m taking a break today. I called in sick from work because I feel like shit and I’m an emotional wreck. I wish I didn’t have feelings. Because those things always end up screwing me over.

Don’t expect to see me at prom.

Ciao.

Dear Teenage Self,

You used to post passive aggressive statuses on AIM, didn’t you? In the form of obscure lyrics from songs written by 30-year-old guydudebros who wore black eyeliner (#creepy)? Because I have no recollection of what you were going on about in that horrible metaphor of a first paragraph, but I am assuming that you and AJ broke up again.

He is not worth it. And I’m sorry that it took eight more months of yo-yoing back and forth with him for you to finally realize it. But the moment you break up with him for good, you will never look back.

And your statement about relationships not working when you want two different things? Also holds true when you’re 22 and 27. (Current self: remember this note.)

You will be okay. Yes, your decision to apply to mostly in-state schools when you clearly wanted to move to New York and California will bite you in the ass. Yes, that decision probably impacted your career trajectory, but you know what? You’ll still end up having a pretty bad ass professional career throughout your 20s. You’ll network your way up through both the video production and higher education industries in Virginia, and the confidence you’ll gain through those experiences will give you the gumption you need to finally make the move to a major city and take it by storm.

You will get to where you want to be eventually. You’ll just take a little detour on the way.

Blood & Ben and Jerry’s

This story was inspired by an unfortunate subject line from a work email.

Flakes of chocolate. Melting under his body temperature, stuck under his fingernails. Jerry Garcia listlessly flailed around, searching for something solid to grip, only to immerse his fingers in more sticky slipperiness.

“Chubby hubby, chubby hubby,” he heard the voice squeal, its high-pitched voice like nails on a chalkboard. “Mama wants to play.”

Jerry continued wading his way forward, pushing himself along as quickly as he could, but to no avail. His feet only sunk further into the cool, creamy batter.

“Oh chubby hubby, don’t you wanna play?” The voice was getting louder, closer. Jerry looked forward in desperation. The ladder was less than 20 feet away. If he flung himself forward, he might be able to shorten the gap by 7 feet or so, but then what? He didn’t trust his ability to stand back up, and his legs were already losing sensation.

He could taste the salty sweat mixed in with caramel, streaming down his face.

“CHUBBY HUBBY,” the voice boomed, deeper and ever closer. The hairs on his neck stood on end. He wasn’t making any headway trying to walk through the thick, vanilla scented pool. There was only one option.

Jerry put all his weight into his shoulders and tumbled full force towards the ladder. The batter enveloped him immediately as he struggled to look up and place himself. The ladder was nowhere in sight.

Trying to set himself upright, Jerry grabbed at the thick wall of cream surrounding him, but he only felt himself sink further in. He gasped for air but was greeted with the sticky flavor of vanilla flooding into his lungs. His temples vibrated as the pressure of the cold batter sucked him in, deeper, deeper.

Suddenly, he was hoisted out of the batter, feet first and gagging. The cold cream had now turned to liquid as he felt it drip up his throat, running through his nostrils. He was turned upright, coughing, then finally noticed the warm hands clutching his shoulders. Immediately he felt a chill roll down his spine as his vision cleared and he found himself staring into the face of a sneering, deformed orangutan.

“Chubby hubby,” it snarled, drool dripping between its sharpened teeth and onto its chin. “You can’t escape me.”

Before Jerry had the chance to scream, the creature bit cleanly into his neck, snapping it back as blood splashed into the batter. Chunks of red fused with the vanilla cream as the creature savagely bashed his body against the thick pool again and again.

The creature began devouring the remains, when suddenly the door above the ladder opened, revealing a tall, white, middle-aged man. The creature dropped Jerry’s remains, trembling with fear.

“Hey, Chunky Monkey,” the man said with a smile, “I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.”